An update, 16 years in the making...

Wow, I didn't realize that so many people have read my blog and used it for different things like articles and research about IVF and Egg Donors. I actually lost the access to my email and this blog until just now, so if you've emailed or commented and didn't get a response, I am sorry! I guess I never thought this blog would be anything more than a space for my donor ramblings.

To start off, it's been almost 16 years since my last post. After that cycle was called off, I decided to retire because I was in a new phase in my life. I started to see my now husband at the end of 2008. We got engaged 4 months later in the spring of 2009. He knew about my donations and was supportive but since we were engaged and had plans for children of our own in the future, I decided it was the right time to step away then. 

Sometime in 2010, before we got married, an agency did reach out to see if I'd be willing to donate. Apparently, at that time the age for donating was raised and I was within the new range. But, since it was before our wedding, I did not move forward with it. I did still receive match offers until 2014, but I wasn't getting those emails so I didn't know until recently. Would I have done it? I guess we'll never know.  We wed in 2010, today, we have three healthy children of our own. We never had an issue conceiving and I always got pregnant on "the first try" 😅, I know there are questions about future fertility and concerns for donors. In my case, it was never a factor. 

Now that I am a middle aged Mom, sometimes I do wonder about the children that came from my donations. I believe the oldest one would be around 19/18 years old now. Like I previously mentioned, I didn't have access to my emails for a long time. At one point in 2017 I missed an email from one of my agencies asking if I'd have contact with one of my recipient families. Again, I didn't see it until last year (Mom life is not for the weak), but by then I guess it had been too long. I did reach out to the agency to let them know if that family was still open to contact, please reach back out to a better email. But I never heard anything... So my guess is they had moved on.  

I still hope that the children that resulted in my donations are happy, healthy, and loved. I don't remember if I ever mentioned it but, I grew up in a difficult situation and I would hope that those kids never had to experience an ounce of what I did, just like I never want my kids to live through anything I did when I was a child. As a Mother now, I just can't imagine doing those things to my children or seeing my children suffer. And while the children conceived from my donations are not my children, I still would not wish for that on anyone. 

Speaking of children, I have not yet disclose the donations to my kids yet. My plan will be to tell them when they are older and can better understand it and why I did it. My kids know that I believe in service and gratitude. In the years past, I've been dedicating more and more of my spare time into community service. One thing that I've grown to be grateful for as I've gotten older and had my own children was the idea that it takes a village. I had a village when I needed it most and I have spent the last handful of years really diving into acts of service-- often dragging my kids along with me. Some day, I will tell them about all this.

About two months ago I took a DNA test because I have been told all my life that I don't look like my family members and that I also don't look "full East Asian" or like an Asian from X country. Most Asian people that I meet tell me that I look like I'm "mixed". Even my Husband was saying that I must have something else in my genes for years. When the results came back, I found out I have the smallest amount of "something else" (4% as of today but that can change as the sample size grows) and I must say, I was a little surprised. Why bring this up? Well, when the test arrived, my Husband mentioned that maybe it wasn't a good idea because it might open a can of worms- meaning if the kids from the donations find me. I don't think that would be horrible. Especially if that child or the recipient families have health questions or why they look the way they do, etc. It's not like I'm hiding or hiding information. I still believe your parents are the ones that raised you, it's not determined by blood/DNA. I would be lying if I said I wasn't curious if they look like my children or me. 

I'm going to end this update here. Who knows, I might come back to this when I have more to update. If you have questions about being an egg donor and want to ask questions, please feel free to reach out via the email above. Thanks for reading!

Once again, the higher FSH has struck again. Looks like we might be canceling the donation because of the 0.X amount higher than what they want to see. I should have gone off the BCP months ago when we signed the match agreement, like I normally do, but I somehow forgot about that. I still believe this has a lot to do with it.

So now, here we are, like in the beginning when only the FSH number matters and nothing I've done for the last four cycles matter. I am so upset right now. I don't know why the numbers do not speak for themselves. I do not understand why the consideration for the previous cycles and pregnancies is zilch. And here we are again, with upset IPs and upset donor (me).

Since my last post, things have been picking up on the donation front. The Psych evaluation came and went, the legal paperwork has been signed, monitoring clinics have been selected, and the retrieval doctor and clinic have been notified that we are moving forward. At this point, I am just waiting to get a schedule and get for initial screening, which, if my guesses are correct will happen after this next period.
I have been doing well on my healthy living and diet. I have had a swarm of weddings and other events lately and I have either not drank or had one or two drinks at these events. No glass of vino with my dinner anymore. I do kind of miss it because it was nice to unwind with a glass of wine and a nice hot meal. But, there are bigger things at stake here. I am worried about damaging anyone’s chances of getting enough viable eggs, afterall, I do have genetics going against me.
The psych evaluation was no eventful to say the least. I hate to say it but think these are kind of pointless. People know what other people want to hear…it sucks that I am saying this but it’s true. Someone can be lying through their teeth over the phone because they want to be matched and collect the money. The psychologist is just too long winded for me. Also, he was not prepared. I have done many of these and they always ask, what happens if I become infertile, how can I guarantee that I won’t ever go after the biological child that may result or have resulted from my previous donations. These are probably the two legitimate questions. I always say, it’s not DNA that makes you a good parent, it’s who raised you and how you were raise. I guess it’s hard to believe that some women would choose to do this. But I’ve always said, I’m not using them why can’t someone else? Especially someone as wonderful as Couple E.
Now, you’re probably wondering why I seem to know so much about Couple E. Actually, I don’t know anything about them. I don’t even know their first names. We are, as usual, in an anonymous donation. However, I have had the opportunity to talk to them. I feel really connected to them. It’s always harder to donate for people you don’t know anything about but know everything about you, including what day your period starts. It was nice, for once to see what these people were about. Not to the point of identification but just to know that they are real people, good people, who just need a little bit of help. Not that I didn’t want to donate to those who don’t want to chat or meet me or whatever. It’s just nice to put a name or a voice to the person you are trying to help.
I am starting to get really nervous about not producing enough eggs. I am also worried that I will have to stop working out soon because it’s not good for the stimulation. I have been on a work out kick for a few months so it’s going to be weird went I can’t go. I am also trying to lose 20lbs in the next few months. I have a feeling the meds will only make me more bloated. I am not overweight by any means, but as I’m getting older, my body just feels looser. I want to look good for next summer. I also want to feel good. I have a feeling donations really don’t help with that since I will be pumped full of hormones. And being women we already have a tendency to carry extra weight.
I will probably be up for one more donation after this, my 6th, well, actually my 7th if you count the canceled one. Then I will officially retire. There have been rumblings that I may have another match already lined up. Ideally, I would want that match in my city. I am kind of tired of traveling and taking time off of work. I will have to think about. Or maybe I will just go into retirement early. I am thinking about starting a family of my own in a few years. And my eggs aren’t getting any younger. We’ll see. When the time comes, I guess I will have to make the tough call. But until then, just keeping positive thoughts and my fingers crossed that this one is successful and we have a lot of viable eggs and a healthy and happy 9 months after.

So far, nothing to report, so that's why the blog is kind of boring..sorry. Usually in the beginning its like this, just waiting around until someone calls or sends me whatever it is I need for the next steps. The match was made a few weeks ago. Since then, I've been back on the no caffeine, no alcohol, daily vitamins and folic acid regime. I don't mind it so much, the caffeine was hard at first, there are definitely still days that I could totally use a cup of coffee as a pick me up, however, they are few and far between. I've had a few weddings to go to in the last few weeks so some drinking was involved but I really tried not to overdo it.

No legal documents have been signed thus far, just the match agreement, but I realize that I made a commitment to the IPs so I just need to make sure that I take care of my body. I am waiting on the pysch evaluation and then of course, all the testing after, lots of poking and prodding to come. But its worth it. The IPs are adorable and I really them. Yes, this time, it wasn't so anonymous. I will just say that I am excited to do it for them because they seem like such wonderful parents and they want to expand their family. I feel lucky and happy to be a part of that. And I find it interesting that people actually want to pick me as their donor. I always wonder how IPs pick people to be their donors. Photos and profiles do not compare to meeting the person face to face. Either way, I am flattered and honor. Let's hope that this one goes off without a hitch and we get lots of healthy eggs!

Now, I'm off to research fertility centers close to my work so I don't have to be late to work to make my appointments for the donation.

Matched!

For those curious about what happened to Couple E...I never went through that donation. I ended up canceling the donation before it even begun. I was getting an overall sense that it was not meant to be ( I couldn't get a hold of the clinic, I had problems getting an appointment set up, etc.) So eventually I just took the break that I felt like I needed. I don't regret not going through the donation, I do feel bad that I had to let the couple down though.

I also noticed that there seems to be a lot of hoopla about compensation on the web. Looks like a bit of uniformity is going on with the amounts that a donor is allowed to receive. I am just curious, what did everyone pay their donors as compensation? It seems odd to tell people they are only allowed a certain amount when the people deciding this regulation probably never had to go through a donation or retrieval. I am not condoning an large amount of money being requested, I just don't know who is right or wrong. I read that the max nowadays is $10k. Is that true? What is everyone's opinion on this?

It's almost been a year since I've been back on here... Lots of things have changed. I took the year off to relax and to claim back my body. It was great helping those couples, but after 4 retrievals and one cancellation, it was time to give me a break. A few months back, I received an email wondering if I would be interested in a donation. I missed that email because of phone difficulties (it didn't download for some reason onto my phone) so I missed out on that match. I realized that after I missed that email, I felt bad. I was still up in the air about doing another donation, but I feel like there is still unfinished business out there. I decided maybe I could do one more. Then a few weeks ago, another couple contacted me through an agency because they were interested...but I haven't heard anything since. That pretty much made up my mind that I would do one donation.

So....I guess, I am officially back into the donation process. At least for one more round. I hope I get matched soon and it goes well. Cross your fingers for me and I'll keep you posted.