ETA: I am currently on my cycle for Couple D, not Couple C. And therefore the future one would be for Couple E. Just wanted to correct it.

So it's about that time of the night when I shoot up like a drug addict--well, sort of. The good 5 to 7 minutes I spend a night disinfecting and mixing my potions and concoctions only to jab it into my achy tummy. Yeah, the bruises have started. Hell, the bruises on my arms have started. I am never squeamish about needles but when a newbie lab tech is wiggling the needle back and forth, back and forth, up and down, and even at one point, pulling the needle out of my arm, I had sweaty palms up the wazoo. I literally thought I was either going to 1) punch her in the face as hard as possible for causing me excruciating and unnecessary pain; 2) pull out needle and run for my life ; 3) pass out because it hurt so much. Yeah, and the "veteran" lab tech was useless, he too decided to get in on the game of wiggling the needle that was attached to my arm. What is this? Amature hour? Or did I miss the memo about punishing donors for no reason other than to see them sweat and squirm?

My nightly shots have been giving me a bit of anxiety. Why? Well, I haven't been able to find the "sweet spot" lately. I have been giving myself hesitation pricks and everywhere I shoot up, hurt like there's no tomorrow. It's all been every nerve wracking and painful. The Menopur is also kicking my butt. My Menopur dose is kind of large, granted, and I do put it all in one syringe, but geez...its like acid under my skin. Not to mention the little bubble of fluid that pop up wherever I inject. Yes, bubbles. They are about pencil eraser sized bubbles that pop up and last for about an hour. It's right under my skin and is tender to the touch. Its almost like too much liquid was put in that spot so it is just sitting and waiting to be soaked in. I think that may actually be the case, but how many times and how many spots do I want to have Menopur injected in? Have I mentioned that it burns? Not to mention, the other injection sites, of Follistim and Lupron have also been bubbling too. Urgh. The other night I noticed that where I injected the Follistim looked like it was elastic and rubbery when I pulled the needle out. It kind of freaked me out a little bit. Never noticed it before and it really freaked me out.

On another note, everything is going well. Looks like we have upper teens worth of eggies growing in there. They are on track to be ready sometime next week. I hope we get lots of good, mature, and viable eggs for Couple D. Only time will tell. I really contemplated a drink tonight (alcoholic) but decided that I couldn't chance it. It's been a rough few days, I probably would have liked it, but hey, I can have a drink later. Now, if only my stomach looked presentable enough for the beach. Unfortunately, it's pretty speckled with needle pricks and bruises, I don't think that's going to happen. I look like I lost a battle with homeless drug addicts that didn't have a knife so they decided to "needle" me. Oh well, this too shall pass. I am starting to feel full and bloated. Today I had a slight twinge in my left ovary. Fun.

I was thinking today that I may back out of my donation for Couple E. I am starting to feel like I am doing too much. Too many donations crammed into my daily life. Too many appointments mixed with my own errands. Too many don'ts that outweigh the dos that I can do. I feel like I don't have much control of my life. Yes, in the grand scheme of things my donations only take up a small part of my life. But, I have basically been doing donation after donation since September. It is now almost August. Each donation takes a month of prep, at least, for initial screening, contacts, match agreements, day 3 and 10 blood work and ultrasounds. I have to start pills almost a month before. I start Lupron weeks before. I start stims 10 days before the official donation. When all is said and done, its at least 3 months of my life per donation. I haven't had a drink without thinking about how this is going to affect the next donation. I haven't had caffeine without worrying. I went off the pill for better results. I am worried about the job situation and getting enough time off for the next one. I worry what will happen if the donation for Couple E is pushed back a few days, how do I explain why I am not back to work? Then what? How do I explain that away? You can't be at a destination wedding for 8 days when you were only planning on being there for 6. I am trying to start a new life, with a new job. I just don't know if I will be able to do that and Couple E's donation--at least not right away. It's just too much too soon. I am also struggling with knowing I will disappoint them if I back out. I would hate doing that. But I would hate even more if I go back on my word. I am nothing if I am not honest. I would feel like I lied. So now, it's me, stuck, between a rock and a hard place...ugh...I have no answers.

Full speed ahead!


I have been taking nightly Lupron shots and things are going well. Lupron and Follistim never give me much trouble. It's Menopur that burns and hurts. I did have a hesitation shot the other night, where I punctured my skin but just couldn't push the needle any further. It's like pricking yourself for fun-but not. No bruising or swelling, but there never is until I start the Menopur. Can I just say one more time how much I HATE Menopur injections.

So far everythings going along swimmingly. I haven't had but maybe two cups of tea during this cycle. I stopped drinking coffee for when I signed on for Couple C, so I just kept that going for Couple D. I also have not been drinking alcohol, as usual. I did break down and had a sangria the other night. I am still taking my Women's One A Day Vitamin and an extra dose of Folic Acid.

The "Bob Barker mic" tells the doctor that everything is going as planned. So I am just waiting to start the stim meds. I hope this one goes well and we get lots of matured eggies!

It's been really hard keeping the blog updated with the computer in the shop for a month. So, while I am on, I will recap what's been going on...

I stopped the bcp and started Menopur and Follistim a few weeks ago. Recently, I have been injecting Ganirelix which is one of the easiest of the three to inject--no pain, no burning, no bruising, no swelling. I was a bit concerned because I wasn't off the pill as long as my previous two donations. Regardless what anyone tells you, I do think that makes a difference in how many follies I have for the donations. I had three ultrasounds, repeated blood work, and FDA required testing (second time). My inner elbows are bruised, I look like I am a heroine addict with the track marks to prove it. Acutally, I have the same marks on either side of my belly button--which makes for fun by the pool with puzzled looks from fellow pool dwellers. (Yes, that is a picture of my horribly swollen and bruised stomach for your viewing pleasure. The picture is a bit dark, but I have bruises speckling both sides of my bellybutton.) For those that have never shot up fertility meds or any kind of meds before, you too can look like a liposuction victim when you shoot up ;).

I have also been feeling extremely bloated and full (see exhibit A, photo of stomach where you see nothing but bloat), so walking around isn't the most comfortable thing, (I feel like a beached whale when I am by the pool) actually, just getting up to walk around the room is a bit uncomfortable. I feel like my vagina and everything in the vicinity is sore. TMI, probably, but hey, that's why you are reading this, so you know what its like for a donor. So there you have it, sore va-jay-jay = no fun but means the eggies are growing.

Unfortunately, my one of my fears came true. I am not producing as many eggs as my previous (successfully completed) donations. I feel like a disappointment to myself and to the IPs. It might have to do with the bcp or it could be because of the three times I drank prior to the meds, either way, I feel horrible. Granted, it's still a good number, between 10-15, but that's still less than what I would like to see for them. This whole giving up caffeine and drinking and taking care of myself is hard, but I really was trying. I just feel a bit down and like a failure. Ugh. I guess I will do the best I can until the retrieval and hope that the ones that I produce will be good enough. This is the downfall of an overachiever--I am just hard on myself. But I really wanted to see the IPs get the best possible chance they could have.

In the last few days I have traveled to the destination of the retrieval. I have been entertaining myself with friends from the area and movies from the dollar rental box at the grocery store. I tried to find the mall today, but had no luck, guess I will try again tomorrow. Must kill time somehow. I am eagerly awaiting the next few days until the retrieval. I just gave myself my Ganirelix, Follistim, and Menopur. Unfortunately, the Menopur gave me a little hard bump at the injection site. I think it might be an air bubble or just too much meds all at once. This is the first time I've gotten one of these, at least one this big... It's just below the skin--my friend who did a donation had this happen to her when she did her injections. I have an ice back on my stomach as I type this, hoping to minimize the bruising and swelling.

I heard from the doctor that there is a chance that the donation may be pushed back a few days if the follies aren't ready. Unfortunately, this means that I am going to have to explain to work why I am not back and also I would need someone to cover my job. I am hoping to find out as soon as possible and I am hoping for the earlier date. I really do need to get back to my own life, regardless of how much I want to help, selfish as that sounds. I am just starting to get antsy about this being done. I also don't know what to do about work if I need to request a few more days off. I am not sure the boss would appreciate this. So let's cross our fingers that I get this done sooner than later so that I don't have to deal with work or finding someone to cover for me. I can only imagine the nightmare that will be.

I find myself wondering where the IPs are and if we ever end up going to the same places, but just different times. I think maybe they think about that too since they know I am here. I assume they live the area, which they may not, I'll never know. I find myself thinking that maybe I've even walked by them on the streets or pulled up at a light right next to them. Is that crazy? I do hope they are excited and looking forward to the new possibilities that this donation could bring, since I know I am. I hope wherever they are, they are just as eager to get this donation underway.Wish me and the IPs luck! I think I may need it. Let's hope that a few more follies get big enough to measure and that we get the follie count up!

ETA: Just an FYI, I did get my period in the middle of the meds, but I guess it was ok. Now I am on Ganirelix, which is supposed to stop me from ovulating, just like Lupron but slightly different.

My tummy is starting to feel full. I haven't had a period since March so I think my ovaries are just filling up with eggs. I am starting to get really nervous and excited about the start of injections. But with juggling work and appointments I am glad its all going by so fast and soon, it will be over. I am nervous about quantity of ovum, but I am nervous about that every donation. I just hate to disappoint anyone. Especially myself. Its odd admiting that but it is true. I set myself up and get so hyped up on each and every donation that when it gets canceled or the couple disappears, I really feel disappointed.

I have also been wondering how the meds are going to work this time. I have a new med that I am only vaguely familiar with actually, I was prescribed this before. It's called Ganirelix. I found myself wondering if my period is going to start while in the middle of injections. Since I don't know how this new medication works. And since it is administered differently than anything else in my other donations. Of course the usual suspects are there, Menupor and Folistim, and a trigger shot. Oddly, I am eager to get on with the injections. I guess my tummy is just going to get fuller ;).

Nothing new to report. Once things start rolling I will update the blog. Until then, take care.