Last week, I signed another contract to be an ovum donor. I am a bit nervous....probably because old ghosts came back to light today. Today, I got an email, from the first agency that signed me and matched me. The same one that cut me when my FSH level were a bit elevated and when my ultrasound came back a bit--undesirable. I then went on, signed with the agency that I donated to a few months ago, with what seems to me, a successful donation. My FSH was a bit elevated that time too, but my ultrasound showed lots of follies.

Now, the ghost that I am referring to is the one that comes in the form of an over-judgmental agency. The one that cut me, let's call them Agency X. Agency X contacted me today to make sure that my information was up-to-date because they do have people interested. Somehow or other, they got to talking about the compensation and basically, the gist was that they thought I was too much because my FSH level was a bit elevated and that many doctors will shy away from me. Overall, they made me feel like what I did in the last cycle meant absolutely nothing. That I am not worth as much as I am asking because I have elevated FSH levels. It became a back and forth thing. I don't even know why they were contacting me if they didn't think that I could provide a quality ovum. They also make me feel like it was by pure accident that my undesirable eggs were able to result in a pregnancy. It's incredible how dismissive and rude someone, as reputable as Agency X, can treat it's donors.

I know that FSH levels are indicators of how well one will respond to the drugs. But do doctors totally dismiss proven results (16 ovum, positive pregnancy) because my hormones are raised? Maybe that is just how I am. Maybe it's my body chemistry. I know medicine is all about the numbers, but sometimes, the cold hard facts, physical, tangible facts are right in front of them and to ignore it for just numerical data is unfair to me and to the IPs. I think that when there is proof that someone will respond and respond well, why tell the IPs to shy away, avoid that donor at all costs? I know it comes down to success rates for these doctors, but sometimes, you have to take a risk, even if it really isn't a risk but only on paper, to reap that big reward.

The IPs in this case have not done anything with me yet. This week, I will be tested, poked and prodded. And I am going to bet that my FSH levels are a bit elevated, maybe it's just my M.O. But I hope they really consider the fact that I performed the last time and I performed above all expectations and it resulted in another couple's pregnancy. This donation is a bit different since I am going to meet the IPs at some point. I guess I get to experience it in all forms :). If you can, keep your fingers crossed for me that they don't just look at what a blood test tells them and really consider the fact that I may do as well as they hope I will.

On that note, I would like to say Agency X really made me feel worthless and instilled self-doubt in me. It's amazing that all the reviews that I have read about this agency have been so incredibly positive. That goes to show you, how they treat the IPs is completely different then how they treat their donors.