I found out on Saturday that tomorrow will be the day. I gave myself an injection of the Ovidrel last night at the time that the clinic told me to. It's funny, as I looked at the glass syringe and it's thicker more gel-like liquid, I felt the flitterings of butterflies. I even went so far as hestitating and had to reattempt to inject my stomach with it. Right next to the big black and blue bruise that I gave myself on my first day of Menupor. One that that surprises me is how easily Ovidrel goes in, no pain, no burning, nothing. Next to the Menupor which always hurts, this was a cake walk. Have I mentioned how much I hate Menupor injections? Could that needle be any larger? On the other hand, the easiest to inject, next to the Ovidrel is the Lupron. Lupron, with its small insulin needle is my friend, that's for sure.

My stomach is speckled with tiny little pin pricks, and a few bruises. I am going to be glad when this cycle ends and I take a little break. I don't know if I am up for doing this all over again, but who knows? In a few more months, all the pain and restrictions and feelings of lack of control will probably fade and I will be up for it again. My boyfriend had the look of concern last night as I headed off to the restroom to inject myself. He came in and squatted on the floor next to me and winced as I gave myself the injection. He told me that he really worried about me and that even though it's a minor proceedure and that the meds are common that he still thinks that it's scary. He said that he lost his sister due to a "routine and minor procedure" and that minor procedures do not exist for him.

I can see his point. Afterall, no one knows the long term effects of the meds. No one can guarantee that after this donation (and any others if there are others), when the day comes that I want to have my own children that I will still have viable eggs. No one can predict the future. Everything is uncertain. What happens if all my cycles take a toll on me and I end up paying for it by not having my own children? Will it be worth it then? What happens if I have a bad reaction to the drugs from the retrieval like the last time, but this time, it's worse? So far, this cycle has been ok, it could have been better. But when you play with hormones, you can never tell if you are going to get it right on or be off just enough for it to matter. Case in point, they have my on all the same meds and dosages with a slight variation from the last time. But this time, I have less eggs, higher estrogen, and more abdomenal discomfort than last time. You just never know. You can only take the proper precautions to make it the best you can. Right?

Tomorrow, I am hoping for a healthy and safe retrieval with everything going just the way it was planned. My boyfriend will be taking me to the hospital and taking me home, unfortunately, he has somewhere to be at a certain time so if we run late, there might be a problem getting myself home. I hope that is not case. I am pretty sure that I am going to be pretty out of it and will need his help. I am trying to get a hold of the coordinator to see if she can bump me up a bit so that I can make sure to leave by 12 so that he is not late. We will see. Otherwise, I might be stranded there until well into the afternoon.

Wish me luck!