Hi Lynnette! Thanks for posting!

There are two parts to today's post. One is that the donation is a GO! Yay for me and for the IPs. I received the official contracts a while ago, signed them and sent it on its way. I also got a call regarding my meds which should be arriving in the not so distant future. My monitoring appointments won't be for awhile yet so I won't have much to report on that front. I don't start my injectable for some time too, so posts about the previously mentioned "sweet spots" and burning and whatnot won't be happening for a few weeks (yeah, something for you, dear readers, to look forward to, I am sure.) But I did want to update and let you all know that I am moving forward for this third donation! I am pretty excited and happy about it all. I haven't drank but maybe 3 times in these couple of months leading up to the donation (speculation of a match and the official match to present) which is hard to explain to peers when they all want to go for cocktail hour and I have to decline. Speculation that I was pregnant was starting to spread since I have not had any caffeine since the end of January in anticipation of growing some nice and healthy eggies. I have been religiously taking vitamins and folic acid as well. All and all, I have been doing very well on the regimen that I have set for myself. Not that I can say that I am not looking forward to that glass of celebratory wine when this is all said and done ;).

Now the second part is that I have been thinking about what Summer had said about posting about my experiences. I am sure when the day comes and I out myself, anonymously, I am sure, there will be some raised eyebrows. As a few of the agencies that I have worked with these last two years have all been very reputable. However, they all have their quirks some are just severely worse than others. And as a donor I think they just treat us differently, possibly believing that our side will never be shared. However, my belief is that what goes around, comes around. And if you treat one person poorly, they will tell ten people about their experience. I hope that the agencies and agency's employees that are reading this, which I know there are a few, realize that this is the reality in this day and age. We all have a common goal, no one should be treated any differently than any one else. Let's not forget you cannot have an Donor agency without the donors OR the IPs. I know this is lucrative industry but lets not forget that we are all people trying to accomplish at least one common goal, one among a few, I am sure. That goal is help someone bring joy into their lives. I am not holier than thou, but I do believe that the policies in this industry do need to be regulated and changed. There is one agency that I should have never left and thus far, they have been the best of all the ones I have worked with. Sure, they had their problems too but at least they were small and just pesky not anything major. If the rest of the agencies I have worked with after them have been like them, I feel like this whole process would be easier and less of a PITA. If only everyone was in the same league...

But enough with that. Looking ahead, I just want to be optimistic and hopeful, if not for myself than for the IPs, someone else is counting on me! That's it for me. Write soon!

To address Summer's comment, yes, 2 months is a really long time. My last cycle's reimbursement check for my expenses took over 60 days to get to me. I even had to send via email, fax, and snail mail and call multiple times before I finally got any kind of acknowledgment that they had even received my receipts. It's the biggest pain in the butt in my opinion. It would be alot easier if there was just a set expense amount that was sent prior to travel to the donor and they just use that. I know that the agencies are basically just doing this so they don't over pay. But at the same time, the IPs already put up a trust, why does it take so long? I don't know the answer to that question but now, I am out $250 until whenever my contract is signed so then I can file a form to wait another few weeks to get my money back. Yup, super efficient. I do wonder why, if the money is there the agencies sit on it and don't pay us.

I still have yet to get any kind of phone call or anything from the agency or the clinic regarding the progress of the cycle. It would be helpful if someone kept me in the loop. So far, I am disappointed by this agency. Emails and phone calls are definitely not returned promptly unless its something they need. I have had to call and email multiple times before a question is answered. It's really frustrating. But nothing I can do about it at this point. I just hate how bureaucratic this donation seems to be, so much red tape and hoops to jump through.

Let's just hope I get word that we are moving forward soon. Then that would mean there is an end to dealing with the lack of communication that I find so prevalent from the agencies to the donors. It's things like delayed reimbursement checks and lack of communication that really take a toll on me as a donor. I don't mind the early appointments or having to travel to meet the doctors. I don't mind getting poked and prodded and having surgery to retrieve the eggs. I do mind being treated as a item of convenience that is an inconvenience to the agencies unless they have something they need/want from me. It's weird to be a second class citizen when you are the core of the agencies business and their business depends on the donors. To quote Jerry McGuire, "Help me, help you." Agencies should really try and live by this motto. But what do I know?

I am extremely agitated today, sorry for the cranky post.

I have had a long day today. I almost forgot to blog about the initial appointment to meet the IP's doctor and get my initial screening done. Things have been crazy the last few days. Anyways, everything looked good. Ultrasound looked good, sound ovaries and sound uterus. No cysts, deformity or anything to note, actually. Looks just like what it always does, some black and white shadowing here and there. The people at the clinic were very warm and friendly. I liked them instantly. Now, as for the doctor, I am not sure but I get a really arrogant air about him. He seemed to not know that I had donated before so I had to tell him about all that. Odd, I thought they requested the records?

Anyways, he seemed really surprised that I had done two previous donations with much success. I was told to that I should be taking prenatal vitamins and baby aspirin. As mentioned before, I was taking Women's One-A-Day multivitamins and an extra dose of folic acid, seems like this was almost equal to prenatal vitamins I saw at the drugstore in terms of Vitamin content. But as soon as I get closer to the actual donation, I will probably just switch over. The Dr. mentioned that the baby aspirin was to help increase blood flow to my ovaries and uterus. Never knew that. So I guess I will be stopping in at the drugstore in the next few days to pick up these two items. I don't think they were going to send them in my meds package... I believe I can expense it though, so if they are not in the package with the rest of the meds, I will just have to get them on my own. One thing I will say is that this Dr. seemed to be really "no-nonsense" and after the ultrasound and blood draw he told me that the only hold up was to make sure the tests come back clear and then we will proceed--as long as we get the blessing from the agency. He poked around and just told me that he was on board, as long as everyone else was and he was here to make sure it went as smoothly and quickly as possible. Sounds good to me!

One thing is that he is changing up my meds, so besides the prenatal vitamins and the baby aspirin, he was going to change my usual Lupron dosage. Apparently, now I am going to get something completely different in the middle of my stim meds, not before. Right now, I am just waiting for the go ahead from the agency as well as the all clear on the blood work that was done at the appointment. I am thinking the blood work is going to come back normal, at least normal for me. Meaning that my FSH maybe elevated a bit. Which I warned them about and they are aware. Seems like once the Dr. knew about my previous donations and the outcome, he is really comfortable with an elevated FSH, I am hoping that he is more about results than stats, like my second donation doctor. Lastly, I haven't gotten the official contract yet, seems like they want the all clear from the clinic before we sign. Which is fine. However, I was told that my expenses from the initial appointment would have to be "filed" but seems like that only happens after I get a contract...so that's...interesting. I don't know what it is about agencies and reimbursement checks...seems like it always takes 2 months. It's really not fair to ask that the donor foot the bill for that long with no repayment. But that is my $0.02.

Before I start my post, let me just say a big "hi" to Summer! I am so happy you found your donor! And good luck to you and Mr. W.

I actually got some news the other day that I forgot to post about. But seeing how I know a few IPs visit on here, I thought it would be helpful, since what I know to be true is not necessary what they know to be true (for example the profiles, we have no access, some IPs may think we do, etc.) My last donation, the one that canceled days before the retrieval, well, it shouldn't have been--this I know now as a FACT. Apparently the monitoring information that was given to the clinic clearly showed 13-17 eggs in the desired size range. With a few additional ones that would have been ready on the day of the retrieval. So it would have been around the same performance I had previously. However, the doctor decided to cancel. Now, the only reason I know I had the quality and quantity of eggs was because apparently the IPs went to the agency and complained that I under performed and wanted compensation or a refund of some sort. Which cause the coordinator to request my records and see for themselves that I did not "under-perform" as speculated by the doctor. Unfortunately, my initial assumption of the doctor may have been right---she kept refusing donors and canceling donations, probably to make more money on this poor couple.

I hate to put this negative underbelly side of the process out there. However, Donors and IPs should be aware that just because your doctor recommends that you cancel you need to use your best judgment on whether its right for you or not. Had they gone through with it, they probably would be pregnant now, as were my first two IPs. Even if it was on the smaller quantity side, say there were only 13 that fertilized, they still would have gotten something. Instead of spending all that money to walk away empty handed. I do believe that medical advice should be heeded, however, if you see the stats and know the previous results you should have a little bit of faith for your donor as well. Just my opinion. It is not going to be true for 100% of the cases, however, in just this one instance, it was. Unfortunately, the couple wanted to know if they changed clinics if I would be willing to work with them again. At this time, I have already promised my 3rd with a 4th in the works. So that's not even a possibility. I do feel they got cheated. My heart goes out to them. I do hope that they move on and find another donor and actually go through a retrieval and hopefully get the results they were looking for.

I added a counter at the bottom of the page, which I may try to move up towards the top and I am amazed at how many hits I had since I put it on there...which I think was yesterday. If any of the readers would like to just post a "hi" or a link to their own page, feel free! I would love to get to know the people my blog reaches.

As for this week, I am just trying to prepare for the consultation and hoping for the best. I am still taking the multivitamin (Women's One-A-Day) and the extra folic acid pills. I figured prenatal vitamins were recommended and the only difference between that and my multivitamin was the amount of folic acid. So I am using the supplement to boost my folic acid. Hopefully that will help with the eggies and my response. I didn't do this the first two times, and I figured it couldn't hurt. I did take the multivitamins while on the meds because of the doctor's recommendations. I am just ahead of the game this time. Not to mention, from all that I've read about the benefits for folic acid, it can't be bad. In fact, it is recommended for all women of child bearing age, especially one year prior to pregnancy. Granted, I am not planning on getting pregnant next year, but I like to be prepared ;). Some day, I will have my own children and I want to try and guarantee them the best quality of life I can.

On a side note, I am also thinking about buying one of those mini-fridges for my room for my meds. I have a roommate and it's inconvenient for me to keep the meds in the communal fridge. Not to mention, he's just plain nosy so I could just do without the added questions. With my luck he will try to drink the Follistim...let's just say he's a few sandwiches short of a picnic. Love him. But it's true. Besides, how do I explain a bunch of little vials in the fridge? Yeah, you can't really say that I just needed some vitamin shots. No one would buy that! So I have been thinking about those small personal fridges, not the kind you get for a college dorm but one even smaller. I wonder how much those cost? Besides, if I get one that can be plugged into the car, I could use it in the car for long trips.

As for the fourth and last donation looks like things are underway. I hadn't heard anything for a few weeks so I was a bit nervous that this couple had up and disappeared on me. Come to find out, they were getting the clinic set up for their consults, setting up the trust and getting ready to pay the agency fees. So, it looks like this one might actually work out and become official. I am still waiting for match paperwork, once that happens, I will notify my agencies that I may not be doing another one. But I probably won't pull my profiles just yet because I am still a bit jolted by the previous cancellation and the disappearing acts.

Well, that's all for me now. Updates to come!

I am getting ready for my initial consult. I fly out soon, getting a bit nervous about it too. I am hoping that everything goes well. From previous experience, I have a slightly elevated FSH level, always have and probably always will. I hope this doctor looks past the numbers and see what I have done before. I don't really want someone to advise the IPs to not use me when I have performed before just because a number is slightly off. Apparently that number has never affected me, at least in the number of eggies retrieved. I am ready and excited but super nervous. I want to do well for the IPs and for myself. It's important that I don't disappoint them because they are counting on me.

I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket (no pun intended), but I feel like I am because if this all goes through, I could really use the money. The bills are catching up with me....I am working as much as I can but it still a slippery slope. I know most donors don't talk about the compensation. But in reality, most of us could put the money to good use. Be it paying off student loans, car loans, housing, whatever. I know that we do it to help the IPs. I know, at least, that I do it for that reason but I can't deny that it helps me too.

Oddly enough, another agency that called last week has now called me again to tell me that they also have a match for me. The other couple would allow for me to do my monitorig and retreival in my home state. When it rains, it pours ;). For those that keep up with my blogs, I have always said that I would do 3 or 4 donations and then I would most likely stop. For some reason that number 3 and number 4 has been elusive. Cancelations and couples just disappearing after a match agreement has been signed.

I may just take both of these matches and then retire. In my life, I have done things that I have been proud of. But donating for these couples has been the most fulfilling of all those things. And as I get older and find myself in a different state in my life, I realize that I too would like kids someday. These donations have showed me how much the IPs struggle, their worries, their risks, and their hopes that they place on someone else. It's alot of pressure for us, the donors. But I feel like we all take it in stride. We do the best we can to make sure we don't disappoint.

My biggest worry is that I don't respond well enough to the meds and the IPs don't get the shot they need. But I guess that is out of my hands. All I can do is follow the diet and the meds to a T. The agencies that I am working this this time are new to me (been registered with them but no matches), my previous two donations were through two other agencies. I have been taking vitamins and folic acid in preparation. I hope the donation(s) go 100% as planned and that I respond well!

Some interesting new developments this morning. One of the agencies contacted me and confirmed a match! They originally contacted me about a donation in a few months but I guess that couple must have changed their minds. So here we are with a new match :)! I don't know any of the specifics until later this week. Wish me and my IPs luck!

I was just reading a few blogs and came across an interesting comment from an IP saying that she noticed a discrepancy between two agencies' listings for the same donor. (***Not trying to call anyone out, just wanted to throw my opinion out there)I can see where an IP would be wary and wonder why the differences. They might feel like she has something to hide or whatever. Totally understandable. I would be cautious too. As someone that has been listed on a few different sites/agencies, I, too have noticed discrepancies on my profiles too. Unfortunately, I only become aware of them when the agencies are trying to tidy up house and contact me. Otherwise, I have no access to my online profile or whatever profile IPs see. In the past I have noticed differences in what I wrote on paper (I usually fax so I have the paper copies) and what they actually have. Anything from the compensation (I have seen a few list my compensation way higher for reasons unbeknownst to me), to my height, to my ACT score, GPA, my siblings age(s), and etc. Very odd. But people make mistakes. It happens. I am not saying that this particular donor wasn't trying to misrepresent herself, just that I have experienced the human error side of this myself so I find it totally possible that it was just a mistake. But it could also be an indicator of the organization of the agency or the morals of the donor. It could be so many things.

Sorry for the long ramble....just wanted to throw out the two cents. Oh, and to those that emailed me, sorry I haven't checked the emails lately. But I am back on that and if you have questions, please feel free to ask. Good luck to all!

I took a bit of time off from donating and blogging. Things in my own life have been chaotic (at best) and borderline depressing. But, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. So on to the post!

Since the last failed donation, I have received 5 calls about 5 different couples. Unfortunately, nothing has been set in stone. Just alot of people asking if I am available and when my blackout dates are, if any. I am starting to think that I may not get to do another donation because after the canceled one, I signed match agreements for two separate donations, only to hear nothing back from those couples. It's been a really frustrating road, these last few months. I know IPs often times worry that EDs will back out on them mid-cycle. But from my own experiences, it seems more common for the IPs to back out. I understand, they have more on the line, but what happens the to ED?

In my case, I have been bouncing around, waiting for another match. I worry that the next couple will also cancel or drop off the face of the Earth. Makes it really hard for me to put myself out there --- when I feel like I am getting jerked around. I worry that the IPs will end up with another RE that jerks them around and misinforms them. I worry that the meds will be wrong the next time too. I worry that the ultrasound tech won't see all the follies and count the wrong ones. At the end of the day, I still want to help. Maybe that's why I am still out there, just waiting. I have also been visiting many of the message boards and looking up prenatal vitamins and folic acid to take before and during my donation to better the quality of the ovums for my IPs. From this ED's perspective, having couples back out and disappear into the thin air, (4 couples thus far in the journey), it just makes me tired, worried, and frustrated. But I continue on. When the right match comes along again...it will be right from the beginning. So I have to have faith.

On a completely different side note--I wonder if anyone is still reading this blog? I don't post as often on here when I am not currently in a cycle. I think I may have lost a few readers. Sorry dear readers. I hope to have something to post about soon.

This third donation was doomed from the beginning. There were multiple false starts and delays. Multiple signals crossed and lost. Once started, the meds were off. I am not sure what happened, but I do know that my meds were not the same as they had been in the two cycles before. I also know that there were many discrepancies between when to start and stop meds. And lastly, the monitoring clinic reported that there were many more ovums than that the retrieval doctor saw....oddly enough, I saw the same thing that the monitoring clinic saw. So who is wrong? What I do know is that the cycle has been canceled and I will not be available or willing to work with that couple or that doctor again. If you continually lower meds and also exclude one all together, how can you expect the same result as the other donations? That is beyond me. It's frustrating because I am sure the IP knows nothing about the fact that the doctor had me on half my usual dosage, minus one drug all together, or that they gave me conflicting information regarding meds regularly...

All that shooting up was for nothing. I am very disappointed. But what can you? The IPs have canceled 3 other donations at the request of the doctor. Makes me wonder what kind of doctor does that when there are viable eggs and plenty of them.

I signed up for a third donation. It hasn't been going well. First it was supposed to take place in September. But the clinic that my IPs are using weren't on the ball and did absolutely nothing to get us ready for it. So then it got pushed back to this next week for the retrieval. Just found out last night, right before I was supposed to start the meds that my IP's body has been reacting badly and they might have to push this one back. They might not be able to do it at all.

Unfortunately, this is even worse for me because I actually quit my job over this retrieval (partially). I had requested days off and was told that I couldn't take them off, even though I had the time. That a bunch of other things led me to quit. This is what happens when you put all your eggs into one basket...no pun intended. I am searching for another job and now I am scared that I may not be able to hold out as long as I wanted too. I don't blame anyone, it's just how life goes. I hope I don't end up losing my house and car...that would be the worse things that could happen, I guess. I may end up canceling this donation all together because there have been so many hiccups. I have another couple, the ones that were to have been my last, that is waiting for me and it might just be better to go with them. I know the IP has no control over how her body reacts, it's probably really frustrating for her.

Keep you posted.

I can't believe the way that agencies think that they can talk to people! Its one thing if we signed an agreement and I back out, but it's completely another when you just expect me to not take on someone because you never contacted me. Where, exactly, does this sense of entitlement come from? Cause last time I checked, I did HAVE to do this at all, and if I CHOSE to do it, I should be able to do it through any agency that I want for any couple that I want. It makes my blood boil when they call or email or whatever and their main objective is to make you feel bad and like you are a horrible person. I don't need this...it's not like I need to donate to support myself. They made it sound like such a annoying thing that they had to schedule donations between things happening in my life...Yeah, I have life outside of donating and I am not apologizing for it. This is ridiculous. It's a first come, first served (as crass as that sounds) type of thing, you snooze, your couple loses. I am still amazed how many couples have contacted agencies about donors, only to have that agency sit on that request for months before contacting that donor, and by then, it's too late. A donor cannot be blamed for having a life or agreeing to help someone else. I am so pissed---this keeps happening, this is the second agency that I have had to tell to shove it because I do not need to be berated for donating to someone else. It's a f'ing ridiculous way to do your job---afterall, without donors, what exactly do agencies do?

End Rant. (sorry)

I was looking through some IP's blogs and it really saddens me when they go through one after another miscarriage and loss. I guess that's what I have to remind myself no matter how uncomfortable I am, how many days I have to take off from work, how I hate stabbing myself, that there are people out there are counting on people like me. Sappy? Sure. But it's true.

I stil have not heard back from the clinic, which is ok, except, I am getting ready to pick up alot of work duties so if I don't hear back soon...they might not be able to reach me. Hum... maybe I will call next week. I also will need to travel to the East coast in the fall, it should be fun. Never been there before. This gives me an opportunity to really just live out my dream of seeing all parts of the US. I feel like I am sheltered most days.

Life is picking up speed and I am just along for the ride. I think 2008 will definitely be much calmer and slower. I can't wait to get through all this stuff and move beyond my life as a donor. Not because I don't like it but because I find that my life is always planned, months in advanced. I also would like it if I could just not worry about silly stuff like the first day of my period or how much caffiene I am drinking, or how many follies I have, of if that bob barker mic is really aimed for my Va-Jay-Jay. I want to be able to live my life without having to get an ok by doctors and have all my days tracked... well, that's how I feel anyway. I anticipate it will be a good thing, to get control over my body back. So until 2008, I think I will just take all of this in as a lesson. It's been positive and I feel like I am a better person for it. You can't blame a girl for looking ahead, can you? Even if she enjoys what she is doing now.

It really annoys me that people are using my blog as a place to advertise for their agencies or ED website. If you see a deleted post in the comments, that is what it is. My blog is not here to advertise to IPs of EDs. If you want to advertise, pay the money and get it done professionally. Don't go the lazy and cheap route of utilitizing someone's site for your own selfish reasons. It has to make you wonder what kind of people would do that and if you would really want to use their services if they can't take the time to advertise on their own. Ok, end rant.

Since the last time I wrote, I have signed up for two more donations. I will be finalizing one contract this week and hopefully be anticipating a retrieval in September. I have another one scheduled for December. And thus, 2007 will be concluded with three retrievals under my belt and no more in the future. After much debate with myself, I decided that my December retrieval would be my last. It would have to take some wonderful couple to bring me out of retirement, not impossible but just not probable. I feel that at this point, I have helped as many as I could without truly jepordizing my own fertility. I would like to have my own kids someday too, and I think the best thing for me and for those future children is to stop while I am ahead and young.

I traveled to the IPs' location last week. I can only say that I never liked L.A. and unfortunately, I still don't. Something about it turns me off. Maybe if I spent more time there than just a long weekend here and there...I might grow to like it. I guess we will find out since I will be spending a week there soon enough. I do love me some In-N-Out burgers (animal styles, cheese on the fries). Maybe those of you that live in the area will see me there, stuffing my face :) Luckily, I do have friends in the area so I will not be completely and utterly bored out of my mind. We will see. I am hoping that my boyfriend will be able to travel with me there, since he has never been to L.A.

At this point, I am waiting for seven of my vials of blood to be tested and come back ok. Then I should be getting a call from the nurse to confirm that the donation is a go. If not, the couple in December is wanting to take me as soon as possible. It's an odd thing, this donation. It's the first time that I have ever experienced this urgency where one couple tries to convince me to leave the other couple. I guess at the end of the day, it's still a business and things happen. But I would like for couple B to take a moment and realize that couple A got to me first. And also that couple A probably has suffered like them and how would they feel if they weren't able to get their donor because someone literally stole them away? Maybe "stole" is too harsh...

I still think this urgency is ridiculous. Calm down, everyone is going to get what they want, what does one or two months really matter in the grand scheme of things? I don't think it matters at all. Desperation does not mean lose your sympathy and empathy for others. Oddly enough, I don't hold this against them as I believe they have been through a lot and are just a bit excited. You can't hold it against a person that obviously wants a child...children are a beautiful thing. But try to dial the crazy back just a bit cause it's not a good quality on anyone.

There are some days when I feel like a puppy at the pound, waiting for adoption. "Pick me!" I would plead with my sad doe eyes. "Pick me, you know you want to!" It's funny how there are all these mixed motions about whether or not you are good enough to be picked. I wonder what it's like for the IPs, how do they know when they pick a girl that that girl is the right one for them? Is it based on the photo? The answers to the survey? The GPA, ACT, and SAT scores? It's odd to think that we are reduced to stats on a few sheets of paper and based on that the IPs are supposed to know if we (the donors) are right for them. It's not any more intimate than pulling up to a drive through and placing your order. Oddly enough, when you do get the chance to actually talk to an IP, it really makes you feel real. It makes what you are about to do feel real. It makes everything less sterile and cold and more like you are helping out friends. It's good knowing that you are not just your first inital and a handful of numbers.

Do you think that it's fair for a donor to be listed with more than one agency? I know that there are quite a few donors out there that are listed with more than one agency. Is it wrong? I don't know. It might just be creating more exposure for the donor. Is it fair? I would think that since it is a first come first served type of business then it can't be unfair. Kind of that "you snoozed, you lose" type of deal--as mean as that sounds. When a donor is listed in multiple locations, but for the same compensation, I think it helps to off the IPs an alternative if that particular agency is not working for them. I believe that you can find the right donor but that the right agency doesn't always go hand in hand. I am all about options.

The sun is calling, that's all for today.

The last few weeks have felt like the twilight zone. I have been away from home for weeks. Traveling around the world and back again. It's fun in theory but when you are doing it, it's another story all together. And just as I am starting to get better with the jet-lag, my body revolts....Is it possible that because of my donations that I have somehow managed to make myself more susceptible to UTIs? Too much info, maybe, but I had never had an UTI until January, a month after I had my first donation. I had my second one two weeks after my second donation...correlation or coincidence? You tell me. I am now, on my third and painful one....I am starting to think that's how my body gets back at me for donating. Ok, off that topic, onto the next.

The last few weeks have been pretty eventful in terms of being an egg donor. On top of traveling around the world, I have been approached by four couples with two different agencies. It really became a game with timing. Who's schedule worked with mine. Granted, I can't help them all but it would have been nice to be able to. Tiring, but nice. One couple that had been pursuing me for months backed out, after I had cleared my upcoming work schedule to make it work for them. I guess its the nature of the beast. The other couple, from an agency that I have donated for, has been in the works for a while. I think we have a match :). From what I understand they would like to have a semi-opened donation, meaning that they would actually like to speak to me via conference call. It's nice to not just be another nameless donor in a book of profiles. If this goes through, I am hoping that we can have the retrieval in August, what with my travel schedule, August is the best time for me. Hopefully it works out.

Today, I ran into a predicament. I came face to face with the real possibility that I may not have anyone that can go with me to the retrieval. This time, it would be out of state. Makes me nervous thinking that maybe I don't know enough people to have a friend that would do this. But at the same time, I have plenty of friends that don't know I donate in the first place. It's not something you bring up in casual conversation. So, here I am, trying to figure out what will happen if I go to the retrieval alone. I am sure that happens and will happen, but what happens? That's something no one tells you.

Another thing no one tells you is the couple from my second donation got pregnant. I guess I could always ask. Well, that's all today, keep you posted. Oh, and I am pretty surprised that I actually have readers. Thank you for reading and I read all your comments and emails. I will try to be better at posting.

On exactly the 7th day, in the final hours of the business day, I got my check. It was a sigh of relief. So the drama came and went and now I am on my merry way again.

The agencies started calling me starting on the day of the retrieval. Some of them were too pushy, calling every couple of hours, demanding that I give them an answer immediately on whether or not I would donate for them. What they failed to remember is that I 1) was in pain and taking painkillers so I couldn't be reached; 2) HAD JUST COMPLETED A DONATION, so why would already be thinking about the next when the current one is still the current one? and 3) That unlike how it might seem, I did indeed have a life outside of donating.

I understand where they are coming from, they have IPs interested and possibly pestering them for an answer every few hours too. And I know that its not everyday that an IP decides that "this girl is it!" I like feeling that I can help people but I need a rest sometimes too. I guess that's part of the donation progress. It's just annoying sometimes, but, nothing is perfect so I am taking it with a grain of salt :).

Currently, I have 3 agencies that have people that would like to use me as their donor. I think that I will donate this third time and possibly stop after that. I don't think that I would do it a fourth time. It's a bit of strain on my body and I miss having complete and utter authority over my own body. It's hard to know that I can't go to the gym or drink a cup of coffee, and if I do, I wonder what effects it might have on the ovum. It's a bit too much stress, especially when I am traveling and have to make sure injections are on time and that I have proper storage while working long hours at my day job. It sucks that that possibly means that there will be people I won't be able to help. I guess sometimes you just walk away when you can and hope for the best.

This whole donation process is never easy. It's one bump after another. Some are bigger than others.

On Tuesday, I had my retrieval. Once again, I had 16 healthy and matured ovum for the IPs. This time was a bit strange since the IF was at the hospital during part of the time that I was there. They had to hide me and I believe they hid him from my boyfriend (who was waiting for me). I did pretty good, got to leave at noon. Went home and just slept. That night, I thought I was feeling pretty good so I tried to go out to a movie, big mistake. I ended up throwing up and having to turn the car around and go home before we go to the theater. Wednesday I laid in the bed most of the day but since I had company coming over, I had to clean. I tried to rest as much as possible in between cleaning. Thursday came and I thought I was supergirl, a momentary lapse of judgement that left me crying on some stairs at a bar. Yes. I refused to take my vicodin and that's where it landed me, crying from the pain in front of my friends. Learned that lesson. Always take the pain meds.

All week I watched my stomach progressively get bigger. At one point, I looked like I was three/four months pregnant. Today, it's still a bit swollen, it'll stay that way until after my period. It's ok, it's not as bad as the first time. At least I can wear jeans/pants. Yay for pants! I felt exhausted and just overall, spent. I didn't get much rest either. Between friends and my boss calling all the time, I was pretty much running on empty. The only thing keeping me going was knowing that I did something good for someone and also helped myself at the same time. Little did I know, I was wrong about the latter.

Today is the 6th day after the retrieval. In my contract it states that I am to receive payment within seven days from the retrieval. I called to see what the hold up was and was given multiple stories about where the check was for my final payment. First off, if you are sending large sums of money wouldn't you send it with a way of tracking it? Um, apparently not. Also, wouldn't you send it to an address that the donor provided you instead of one that they told you was not secure? Um, no again. So here I am freaking out, trying to get someone to care and I basically get the run around. I was told it will probably show up sometime and when it does, it does. And that they send large sums all the time through regular mail and that even if someone else got it, they couldn't cash it. What? Really? Last time I checked a contract was signed and it's legally binding, which states I GET IT IN & DAYS!

I hate to say this but the way that the agencies treat their donors is abmissal. Is it so hard for them to see the value of the person and not just throw them away as soon as the donation is over? Do we have to remind them that without people like me, they wouldn't even have an agency or business for that matter? Why is it so hard for them to treat us with some respect? I am not a bill collecter calling to get money that is not mine. It is MY compensation that they lost and no one cares. I am so mad right now. I do not think I will work with this agency again in the future. People that are so dismissive of their donors really turn me off on wanting to do it again. Every agency has been hard to work with in some aspect or other. Granted, the first one that I worked with was actually really great. The only thing was the travel agency they used were pains. I really think that these agencies really need to wise up and realize that if they do not keep their end of the bargain, reprecussions will result. I called my lawyer. If I don't get the check tomorrow, there is hell to pay. I know it sounds mean, but I had a really hard time with this donation, it's not all that easy, and they are reaping the benefits yet they do not seem to feel the need to show us (donors) any appreciation. I am not one to take this lying down. Mondays really do suck.

I found out on Saturday that tomorrow will be the day. I gave myself an injection of the Ovidrel last night at the time that the clinic told me to. It's funny, as I looked at the glass syringe and it's thicker more gel-like liquid, I felt the flitterings of butterflies. I even went so far as hestitating and had to reattempt to inject my stomach with it. Right next to the big black and blue bruise that I gave myself on my first day of Menupor. One that that surprises me is how easily Ovidrel goes in, no pain, no burning, nothing. Next to the Menupor which always hurts, this was a cake walk. Have I mentioned how much I hate Menupor injections? Could that needle be any larger? On the other hand, the easiest to inject, next to the Ovidrel is the Lupron. Lupron, with its small insulin needle is my friend, that's for sure.

My stomach is speckled with tiny little pin pricks, and a few bruises. I am going to be glad when this cycle ends and I take a little break. I don't know if I am up for doing this all over again, but who knows? In a few more months, all the pain and restrictions and feelings of lack of control will probably fade and I will be up for it again. My boyfriend had the look of concern last night as I headed off to the restroom to inject myself. He came in and squatted on the floor next to me and winced as I gave myself the injection. He told me that he really worried about me and that even though it's a minor proceedure and that the meds are common that he still thinks that it's scary. He said that he lost his sister due to a "routine and minor procedure" and that minor procedures do not exist for him.

I can see his point. Afterall, no one knows the long term effects of the meds. No one can guarantee that after this donation (and any others if there are others), when the day comes that I want to have my own children that I will still have viable eggs. No one can predict the future. Everything is uncertain. What happens if all my cycles take a toll on me and I end up paying for it by not having my own children? Will it be worth it then? What happens if I have a bad reaction to the drugs from the retrieval like the last time, but this time, it's worse? So far, this cycle has been ok, it could have been better. But when you play with hormones, you can never tell if you are going to get it right on or be off just enough for it to matter. Case in point, they have my on all the same meds and dosages with a slight variation from the last time. But this time, I have less eggs, higher estrogen, and more abdomenal discomfort than last time. You just never know. You can only take the proper precautions to make it the best you can. Right?

Tomorrow, I am hoping for a healthy and safe retrieval with everything going just the way it was planned. My boyfriend will be taking me to the hospital and taking me home, unfortunately, he has somewhere to be at a certain time so if we run late, there might be a problem getting myself home. I hope that is not case. I am pretty sure that I am going to be pretty out of it and will need his help. I am trying to get a hold of the coordinator to see if she can bump me up a bit so that I can make sure to leave by 12 so that he is not late. We will see. Otherwise, I might be stranded there until well into the afternoon.

Wish me luck!