I can't believe the way that agencies think that they can talk to people! Its one thing if we signed an agreement and I back out, but it's completely another when you just expect me to not take on someone because you never contacted me. Where, exactly, does this sense of entitlement come from? Cause last time I checked, I did HAVE to do this at all, and if I CHOSE to do it, I should be able to do it through any agency that I want for any couple that I want. It makes my blood boil when they call or email or whatever and their main objective is to make you feel bad and like you are a horrible person. I don't need this...it's not like I need to donate to support myself. They made it sound like such a annoying thing that they had to schedule donations between things happening in my life...Yeah, I have life outside of donating and I am not apologizing for it. This is ridiculous. It's a first come, first served (as crass as that sounds) type of thing, you snooze, your couple loses. I am still amazed how many couples have contacted agencies about donors, only to have that agency sit on that request for months before contacting that donor, and by then, it's too late. A donor cannot be blamed for having a life or agreeing to help someone else. I am so pissed---this keeps happening, this is the second agency that I have had to tell to shove it because I do not need to be berated for donating to someone else. It's a f'ing ridiculous way to do your job---afterall, without donors, what exactly do agencies do?

End Rant. (sorry)

I was looking through some IP's blogs and it really saddens me when they go through one after another miscarriage and loss. I guess that's what I have to remind myself no matter how uncomfortable I am, how many days I have to take off from work, how I hate stabbing myself, that there are people out there are counting on people like me. Sappy? Sure. But it's true.

I stil have not heard back from the clinic, which is ok, except, I am getting ready to pick up alot of work duties so if I don't hear back soon...they might not be able to reach me. Hum... maybe I will call next week. I also will need to travel to the East coast in the fall, it should be fun. Never been there before. This gives me an opportunity to really just live out my dream of seeing all parts of the US. I feel like I am sheltered most days.

Life is picking up speed and I am just along for the ride. I think 2008 will definitely be much calmer and slower. I can't wait to get through all this stuff and move beyond my life as a donor. Not because I don't like it but because I find that my life is always planned, months in advanced. I also would like it if I could just not worry about silly stuff like the first day of my period or how much caffiene I am drinking, or how many follies I have, of if that bob barker mic is really aimed for my Va-Jay-Jay. I want to be able to live my life without having to get an ok by doctors and have all my days tracked... well, that's how I feel anyway. I anticipate it will be a good thing, to get control over my body back. So until 2008, I think I will just take all of this in as a lesson. It's been positive and I feel like I am a better person for it. You can't blame a girl for looking ahead, can you? Even if she enjoys what she is doing now.

It really annoys me that people are using my blog as a place to advertise for their agencies or ED website. If you see a deleted post in the comments, that is what it is. My blog is not here to advertise to IPs of EDs. If you want to advertise, pay the money and get it done professionally. Don't go the lazy and cheap route of utilitizing someone's site for your own selfish reasons. It has to make you wonder what kind of people would do that and if you would really want to use their services if they can't take the time to advertise on their own. Ok, end rant.

Since the last time I wrote, I have signed up for two more donations. I will be finalizing one contract this week and hopefully be anticipating a retrieval in September. I have another one scheduled for December. And thus, 2007 will be concluded with three retrievals under my belt and no more in the future. After much debate with myself, I decided that my December retrieval would be my last. It would have to take some wonderful couple to bring me out of retirement, not impossible but just not probable. I feel that at this point, I have helped as many as I could without truly jepordizing my own fertility. I would like to have my own kids someday too, and I think the best thing for me and for those future children is to stop while I am ahead and young.

I traveled to the IPs' location last week. I can only say that I never liked L.A. and unfortunately, I still don't. Something about it turns me off. Maybe if I spent more time there than just a long weekend here and there...I might grow to like it. I guess we will find out since I will be spending a week there soon enough. I do love me some In-N-Out burgers (animal styles, cheese on the fries). Maybe those of you that live in the area will see me there, stuffing my face :) Luckily, I do have friends in the area so I will not be completely and utterly bored out of my mind. We will see. I am hoping that my boyfriend will be able to travel with me there, since he has never been to L.A.

At this point, I am waiting for seven of my vials of blood to be tested and come back ok. Then I should be getting a call from the nurse to confirm that the donation is a go. If not, the couple in December is wanting to take me as soon as possible. It's an odd thing, this donation. It's the first time that I have ever experienced this urgency where one couple tries to convince me to leave the other couple. I guess at the end of the day, it's still a business and things happen. But I would like for couple B to take a moment and realize that couple A got to me first. And also that couple A probably has suffered like them and how would they feel if they weren't able to get their donor because someone literally stole them away? Maybe "stole" is too harsh...

I still think this urgency is ridiculous. Calm down, everyone is going to get what they want, what does one or two months really matter in the grand scheme of things? I don't think it matters at all. Desperation does not mean lose your sympathy and empathy for others. Oddly enough, I don't hold this against them as I believe they have been through a lot and are just a bit excited. You can't hold it against a person that obviously wants a child...children are a beautiful thing. But try to dial the crazy back just a bit cause it's not a good quality on anyone.