Monday, November 26, 2007

This third donation was doomed from the beginning. There were multiple false starts and delays. Multiple signals crossed and lost. Once started, the meds were off. I am not sure what happened, but I do know that my meds were not the same as they had been in the two cycles before. I also know that there were many discrepancies between when to start and stop meds. And lastly, the monitoring clinic reported that there were many more ovums than that the retrieval doctor saw....oddly enough, I saw the same thing that the monitoring clinic saw. So who is wrong? What I do know is that the cycle has been canceled and I will not be available or willing to work with that couple or that doctor again. If you continually lower meds and also exclude one all together, how can you expect the same result as the other donations? That is beyond me. It's frustrating because I am sure the IP knows nothing about the fact that the doctor had me on half my usual dosage, minus one drug all together, or that they gave me conflicting information regarding meds regularly...

All that shooting up was for nothing. I am very disappointed. But what can you? The IPs have canceled 3 other donations at the request of the doctor. Makes me wonder what kind of doctor does that when there are viable eggs and plenty of them.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

I signed up for a third donation. It hasn't been going well. First it was supposed to take place in September. But the clinic that my IPs are using weren't on the ball and did absolutely nothing to get us ready for it. So then it got pushed back to this next week for the retrieval. Just found out last night, right before I was supposed to start the meds that my IP's body has been reacting badly and they might have to push this one back. They might not be able to do it at all.

Unfortunately, this is even worse for me because I actually quit my job over this retrieval (partially). I had requested days off and was told that I couldn't take them off, even though I had the time. That a bunch of other things led me to quit. This is what happens when you put all your eggs into one pun intended. I am searching for another job and now I am scared that I may not be able to hold out as long as I wanted too. I don't blame anyone, it's just how life goes. I hope I don't end up losing my house and car...that would be the worse things that could happen, I guess. I may end up canceling this donation all together because there have been so many hiccups. I have another couple, the ones that were to have been my last, that is waiting for me and it might just be better to go with them. I know the IP has no control over how her body reacts, it's probably really frustrating for her.

Keep you posted.

Monday, July 23, 2007

I can't believe the way that agencies think that they can talk to people! Its one thing if we signed an agreement and I back out, but it's completely another when you just expect me to not take on someone because you never contacted me. Where, exactly, does this sense of entitlement come from? Cause last time I checked, I did HAVE to do this at all, and if I CHOSE to do it, I should be able to do it through any agency that I want for any couple that I want. It makes my blood boil when they call or email or whatever and their main objective is to make you feel bad and like you are a horrible person. I don't need's not like I need to donate to support myself. They made it sound like such a annoying thing that they had to schedule donations between things happening in my life...Yeah, I have life outside of donating and I am not apologizing for it. This is ridiculous. It's a first come, first served (as crass as that sounds) type of thing, you snooze, your couple loses. I am still amazed how many couples have contacted agencies about donors, only to have that agency sit on that request for months before contacting that donor, and by then, it's too late. A donor cannot be blamed for having a life or agreeing to help someone else. I am so pissed---this keeps happening, this is the second agency that I have had to tell to shove it because I do not need to be berated for donating to someone else. It's a f'ing ridiculous way to do your job---afterall, without donors, what exactly do agencies do?

End Rant. (sorry)

Thursday, July 12, 2007

I was looking through some IP's blogs and it really saddens me when they go through one after another miscarriage and loss. I guess that's what I have to remind myself no matter how uncomfortable I am, how many days I have to take off from work, how I hate stabbing myself, that there are people out there are counting on people like me. Sappy? Sure. But it's true.

I stil have not heard back from the clinic, which is ok, except, I am getting ready to pick up alot of work duties so if I don't hear back soon...they might not be able to reach me. Hum... maybe I will call next week. I also will need to travel to the East coast in the fall, it should be fun. Never been there before. This gives me an opportunity to really just live out my dream of seeing all parts of the US. I feel like I am sheltered most days.

Life is picking up speed and I am just along for the ride. I think 2008 will definitely be much calmer and slower. I can't wait to get through all this stuff and move beyond my life as a donor. Not because I don't like it but because I find that my life is always planned, months in advanced. I also would like it if I could just not worry about silly stuff like the first day of my period or how much caffiene I am drinking, or how many follies I have, of if that bob barker mic is really aimed for my Va-Jay-Jay. I want to be able to live my life without having to get an ok by doctors and have all my days tracked... well, that's how I feel anyway. I anticipate it will be a good thing, to get control over my body back. So until 2008, I think I will just take all of this in as a lesson. It's been positive and I feel like I am a better person for it. You can't blame a girl for looking ahead, can you? Even if she enjoys what she is doing now.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

It really annoys me that people are using my blog as a place to advertise for their agencies or ED website. If you see a deleted post in the comments, that is what it is. My blog is not here to advertise to IPs of EDs. If you want to advertise, pay the money and get it done professionally. Don't go the lazy and cheap route of utilitizing someone's site for your own selfish reasons. It has to make you wonder what kind of people would do that and if you would really want to use their services if they can't take the time to advertise on their own. Ok, end rant.

Since the last time I wrote, I have signed up for two more donations. I will be finalizing one contract this week and hopefully be anticipating a retrieval in September. I have another one scheduled for December. And thus, 2007 will be concluded with three retrievals under my belt and no more in the future. After much debate with myself, I decided that my December retrieval would be my last. It would have to take some wonderful couple to bring me out of retirement, not impossible but just not probable. I feel that at this point, I have helped as many as I could without truly jepordizing my own fertility. I would like to have my own kids someday too, and I think the best thing for me and for those future children is to stop while I am ahead and young.

I traveled to the IPs' location last week. I can only say that I never liked L.A. and unfortunately, I still don't. Something about it turns me off. Maybe if I spent more time there than just a long weekend here and there...I might grow to like it. I guess we will find out since I will be spending a week there soon enough. I do love me some In-N-Out burgers (animal styles, cheese on the fries). Maybe those of you that live in the area will see me there, stuffing my face :) Luckily, I do have friends in the area so I will not be completely and utterly bored out of my mind. We will see. I am hoping that my boyfriend will be able to travel with me there, since he has never been to L.A.

At this point, I am waiting for seven of my vials of blood to be tested and come back ok. Then I should be getting a call from the nurse to confirm that the donation is a go. If not, the couple in December is wanting to take me as soon as possible. It's an odd thing, this donation. It's the first time that I have ever experienced this urgency where one couple tries to convince me to leave the other couple. I guess at the end of the day, it's still a business and things happen. But I would like for couple B to take a moment and realize that couple A got to me first. And also that couple A probably has suffered like them and how would they feel if they weren't able to get their donor because someone literally stole them away? Maybe "stole" is too harsh...

I still think this urgency is ridiculous. Calm down, everyone is going to get what they want, what does one or two months really matter in the grand scheme of things? I don't think it matters at all. Desperation does not mean lose your sympathy and empathy for others. Oddly enough, I don't hold this against them as I believe they have been through a lot and are just a bit excited. You can't hold it against a person that obviously wants a child...children are a beautiful thing. But try to dial the crazy back just a bit cause it's not a good quality on anyone.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

There are some days when I feel like a puppy at the pound, waiting for adoption. "Pick me!" I would plead with my sad doe eyes. "Pick me, you know you want to!" It's funny how there are all these mixed motions about whether or not you are good enough to be picked. I wonder what it's like for the IPs, how do they know when they pick a girl that that girl is the right one for them? Is it based on the photo? The answers to the survey? The GPA, ACT, and SAT scores? It's odd to think that we are reduced to stats on a few sheets of paper and based on that the IPs are supposed to know if we (the donors) are right for them. It's not any more intimate than pulling up to a drive through and placing your order. Oddly enough, when you do get the chance to actually talk to an IP, it really makes you feel real. It makes what you are about to do feel real. It makes everything less sterile and cold and more like you are helping out friends. It's good knowing that you are not just your first inital and a handful of numbers.

Do you think that it's fair for a donor to be listed with more than one agency? I know that there are quite a few donors out there that are listed with more than one agency. Is it wrong? I don't know. It might just be creating more exposure for the donor. Is it fair? I would think that since it is a first come first served type of business then it can't be unfair. Kind of that "you snoozed, you lose" type of deal--as mean as that sounds. When a donor is listed in multiple locations, but for the same compensation, I think it helps to off the IPs an alternative if that particular agency is not working for them. I believe that you can find the right donor but that the right agency doesn't always go hand in hand. I am all about options.

The sun is calling, that's all for today.

Monday, May 14, 2007

The last few weeks have felt like the twilight zone. I have been away from home for weeks. Traveling around the world and back again. It's fun in theory but when you are doing it, it's another story all together. And just as I am starting to get better with the jet-lag, my body revolts....Is it possible that because of my donations that I have somehow managed to make myself more susceptible to UTIs? Too much info, maybe, but I had never had an UTI until January, a month after I had my first donation. I had my second one two weeks after my second donation...correlation or coincidence? You tell me. I am now, on my third and painful one....I am starting to think that's how my body gets back at me for donating. Ok, off that topic, onto the next.

The last few weeks have been pretty eventful in terms of being an egg donor. On top of traveling around the world, I have been approached by four couples with two different agencies. It really became a game with timing. Who's schedule worked with mine. Granted, I can't help them all but it would have been nice to be able to. Tiring, but nice. One couple that had been pursuing me for months backed out, after I had cleared my upcoming work schedule to make it work for them. I guess its the nature of the beast. The other couple, from an agency that I have donated for, has been in the works for a while. I think we have a match :). From what I understand they would like to have a semi-opened donation, meaning that they would actually like to speak to me via conference call. It's nice to not just be another nameless donor in a book of profiles. If this goes through, I am hoping that we can have the retrieval in August, what with my travel schedule, August is the best time for me. Hopefully it works out.

Today, I ran into a predicament. I came face to face with the real possibility that I may not have anyone that can go with me to the retrieval. This time, it would be out of state. Makes me nervous thinking that maybe I don't know enough people to have a friend that would do this. But at the same time, I have plenty of friends that don't know I donate in the first place. It's not something you bring up in casual conversation. So, here I am, trying to figure out what will happen if I go to the retrieval alone. I am sure that happens and will happen, but what happens? That's something no one tells you.

Another thing no one tells you is the couple from my second donation got pregnant. I guess I could always ask. Well, that's all today, keep you posted. Oh, and I am pretty surprised that I actually have readers. Thank you for reading and I read all your comments and emails. I will try to be better at posting.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

On exactly the 7th day, in the final hours of the business day, I got my check. It was a sigh of relief. So the drama came and went and now I am on my merry way again.

The agencies started calling me starting on the day of the retrieval. Some of them were too pushy, calling every couple of hours, demanding that I give them an answer immediately on whether or not I would donate for them. What they failed to remember is that I 1) was in pain and taking painkillers so I couldn't be reached; 2) HAD JUST COMPLETED A DONATION, so why would already be thinking about the next when the current one is still the current one? and 3) That unlike how it might seem, I did indeed have a life outside of donating.

I understand where they are coming from, they have IPs interested and possibly pestering them for an answer every few hours too. And I know that its not everyday that an IP decides that "this girl is it!" I like feeling that I can help people but I need a rest sometimes too. I guess that's part of the donation progress. It's just annoying sometimes, but, nothing is perfect so I am taking it with a grain of salt :).

Currently, I have 3 agencies that have people that would like to use me as their donor. I think that I will donate this third time and possibly stop after that. I don't think that I would do it a fourth time. It's a bit of strain on my body and I miss having complete and utter authority over my own body. It's hard to know that I can't go to the gym or drink a cup of coffee, and if I do, I wonder what effects it might have on the ovum. It's a bit too much stress, especially when I am traveling and have to make sure injections are on time and that I have proper storage while working long hours at my day job. It sucks that that possibly means that there will be people I won't be able to help. I guess sometimes you just walk away when you can and hope for the best.

Monday, March 19, 2007

This whole donation process is never easy. It's one bump after another. Some are bigger than others.

On Tuesday, I had my retrieval. Once again, I had 16 healthy and matured ovum for the IPs. This time was a bit strange since the IF was at the hospital during part of the time that I was there. They had to hide me and I believe they hid him from my boyfriend (who was waiting for me). I did pretty good, got to leave at noon. Went home and just slept. That night, I thought I was feeling pretty good so I tried to go out to a movie, big mistake. I ended up throwing up and having to turn the car around and go home before we go to the theater. Wednesday I laid in the bed most of the day but since I had company coming over, I had to clean. I tried to rest as much as possible in between cleaning. Thursday came and I thought I was supergirl, a momentary lapse of judgement that left me crying on some stairs at a bar. Yes. I refused to take my vicodin and that's where it landed me, crying from the pain in front of my friends. Learned that lesson. Always take the pain meds.

All week I watched my stomach progressively get bigger. At one point, I looked like I was three/four months pregnant. Today, it's still a bit swollen, it'll stay that way until after my period. It's ok, it's not as bad as the first time. At least I can wear jeans/pants. Yay for pants! I felt exhausted and just overall, spent. I didn't get much rest either. Between friends and my boss calling all the time, I was pretty much running on empty. The only thing keeping me going was knowing that I did something good for someone and also helped myself at the same time. Little did I know, I was wrong about the latter.

Today is the 6th day after the retrieval. In my contract it states that I am to receive payment within seven days from the retrieval. I called to see what the hold up was and was given multiple stories about where the check was for my final payment. First off, if you are sending large sums of money wouldn't you send it with a way of tracking it? Um, apparently not. Also, wouldn't you send it to an address that the donor provided you instead of one that they told you was not secure? Um, no again. So here I am freaking out, trying to get someone to care and I basically get the run around. I was told it will probably show up sometime and when it does, it does. And that they send large sums all the time through regular mail and that even if someone else got it, they couldn't cash it. What? Really? Last time I checked a contract was signed and it's legally binding, which states I GET IT IN & DAYS!

I hate to say this but the way that the agencies treat their donors is abmissal. Is it so hard for them to see the value of the person and not just throw them away as soon as the donation is over? Do we have to remind them that without people like me, they wouldn't even have an agency or business for that matter? Why is it so hard for them to treat us with some respect? I am not a bill collecter calling to get money that is not mine. It is MY compensation that they lost and no one cares. I am so mad right now. I do not think I will work with this agency again in the future. People that are so dismissive of their donors really turn me off on wanting to do it again. Every agency has been hard to work with in some aspect or other. Granted, the first one that I worked with was actually really great. The only thing was the travel agency they used were pains. I really think that these agencies really need to wise up and realize that if they do not keep their end of the bargain, reprecussions will result. I called my lawyer. If I don't get the check tomorrow, there is hell to pay. I know it sounds mean, but I had a really hard time with this donation, it's not all that easy, and they are reaping the benefits yet they do not seem to feel the need to show us (donors) any appreciation. I am not one to take this lying down. Mondays really do suck.

Monday, March 12, 2007

I found out on Saturday that tomorrow will be the day. I gave myself an injection of the Ovidrel last night at the time that the clinic told me to. It's funny, as I looked at the glass syringe and it's thicker more gel-like liquid, I felt the flitterings of butterflies. I even went so far as hestitating and had to reattempt to inject my stomach with it. Right next to the big black and blue bruise that I gave myself on my first day of Menupor. One that that surprises me is how easily Ovidrel goes in, no pain, no burning, nothing. Next to the Menupor which always hurts, this was a cake walk. Have I mentioned how much I hate Menupor injections? Could that needle be any larger? On the other hand, the easiest to inject, next to the Ovidrel is the Lupron. Lupron, with its small insulin needle is my friend, that's for sure.

My stomach is speckled with tiny little pin pricks, and a few bruises. I am going to be glad when this cycle ends and I take a little break. I don't know if I am up for doing this all over again, but who knows? In a few more months, all the pain and restrictions and feelings of lack of control will probably fade and I will be up for it again. My boyfriend had the look of concern last night as I headed off to the restroom to inject myself. He came in and squatted on the floor next to me and winced as I gave myself the injection. He told me that he really worried about me and that even though it's a minor proceedure and that the meds are common that he still thinks that it's scary. He said that he lost his sister due to a "routine and minor procedure" and that minor procedures do not exist for him.

I can see his point. Afterall, no one knows the long term effects of the meds. No one can guarantee that after this donation (and any others if there are others), when the day comes that I want to have my own children that I will still have viable eggs. No one can predict the future. Everything is uncertain. What happens if all my cycles take a toll on me and I end up paying for it by not having my own children? Will it be worth it then? What happens if I have a bad reaction to the drugs from the retrieval like the last time, but this time, it's worse? So far, this cycle has been ok, it could have been better. But when you play with hormones, you can never tell if you are going to get it right on or be off just enough for it to matter. Case in point, they have my on all the same meds and dosages with a slight variation from the last time. But this time, I have less eggs, higher estrogen, and more abdomenal discomfort than last time. You just never know. You can only take the proper precautions to make it the best you can. Right?

Tomorrow, I am hoping for a healthy and safe retrieval with everything going just the way it was planned. My boyfriend will be taking me to the hospital and taking me home, unfortunately, he has somewhere to be at a certain time so if we run late, there might be a problem getting myself home. I hope that is not case. I am pretty sure that I am going to be pretty out of it and will need his help. I am trying to get a hold of the coordinator to see if she can bump me up a bit so that I can make sure to leave by 12 so that he is not late. We will see. Otherwise, I might be stranded there until well into the afternoon.

Wish me luck!

Friday, March 09, 2007

This morning was another grueling early one. I hate early appointments but that's the only time I can really do them and not disturb or arouse suspicion at my day job. Juggling donations and my real life job is sometimes quite a hassle and really hard on the body. I work alot during the night because I deal with a bunch of overseas suppliers. I often stay up late to make phone calls because of the time difference. I pay for it when I have to get up at 5:30 to make it to my appointment. I keep telling myself that this will be over soon and my body will be mine once again. I can't wait. It's hard giving up control of your body, your schedule/plans, and your life, in general to do something like this. It is also hard to see how your body changes during the process. If I was ever curious about what I would look like as a pregnant lady, I now know because of how much I swelled up after my first retrieval. My tummy is starting to puff out now that my ovaries are on overdrive and my follies are getting big. Not the most attractive, but I can live with it.

The appointment went pretty well. Most of my follies grew another 5mm in the last two days. I think that's some pretty good growth, but I am no expert, of course. The tech only measured 13 of them but said that there were a bunch of smaller ones in there. Hopefully this means that they have a chance to catch up, I don't really know what smaller ones mean. I may have to go in for another appointment tomorrow. It's Saturday and that's the last thing I want to do, but I guess if I have to do it, I will. Afterall, the way I see it, I am not the captain of this ship right now. It's on loan :).

This morning as I was walking out of the clinic, I was kind of surprised to see three Asian women walking in, all in a row. Not that seeing so many Asian women surprise me but just the fact that all three of them turned and looked at me. They didn't just look at me so much as study me. It was weird. I couldn't help but wonder if any of those ladies were my receipiant....granted, they take pains to keep us from ever running into each other. However, this clinic has not really been that organized in the whole time that I have been using them. My mind still couldn't help but wonder if this was the case.

I still think it's odd that they went from wanting to sit down and get a cup of coffee to not wanting me at all. It really is one sided, this whole donation process. The IPs get to know what I look like but I do not have a clue what they look like. I only say this because I could potentially walk right by them on the street with them knowing who I am without me ever knowing who they are. It doesn't seem all that logical to me, but what can you do?

Last night, I was thinking that the other couple would be almost 4 months pregnant. My boyfriend asked me what would I do if in twenty years the child comes to find me. I really haven't thought about it at all. I believe that "parents" are those that actually raised you, cared for you, loved you. They are the ones that tuck you in at night and walk you down the aisle on your wedding day. They are not someone that gave away some of their genetic material to help someone else. I told him that, and I also told him that I would be ok with talking to them and getting to know them because we would have the common thread of being biologically linked. But I would never see them as mine and if anything, I would just be a like a distant aunt that they see every so often.

I don't think that makes me cold. I think it make me a realist. I am doing this to help someone else have their dream of a family, not to achieve my own dream of such. If the results are that a child is born from this, that child is not mine, nor are we anything more than genetic relatives. I couldn't fathom taking away someone's years of love and hope and dreams and proclaiming them mine because we may share some of the same features. I think that is one of the biggest fears of those that use donor eggs. That one day their children will want to meet the donor and maybe somehow seeing more of themselves in that donor than in the people that raised them. All the contracts I have ever signed have been centered around never trying to proclaim any children mine. I wonder if those that use donor eggs would tell their children how they came to be? How do you explain it if they look nothing like you and they want to know where they got their nose? That's the perk of a donor egg, no one ever has to know unless you tell them. So would you?

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Ah, back at home again. These last few weeks with my day job responsibilities have been grueling. I was so tired and all the germs around me finally caught up to me. I have been sick for a few days now, feeling better but still not 100%.

Had another monitoring visit today, this time was much better. People actually knew what I was there for, had my orders, had my paperwork, etc. I was in and out in 25 minutes. Early enough for breakfast, which is a first. I talked to the third party coordinator and she told me that it looks like I have about 16 follies. Is it possible to produce more? I just started the stimulation shots this weekend. I am hoping to up the number closer to 20, like last time, so the couple has more chances in one "pop". I feel like 16 isn't enough. If they only get 80% of the eggs, that would put me at 12.8 eggs. I prefer being an overachiever and from what I gather, 12 is average. And I am all about the "more bang for your buck" thing. Somehow, 16 just sounds low. But then again, they might have miscounted. Last time, they told me that I only had 16 and I ended up with 20.

Hum....distrubing, they just called and said that my estrogen levels are slightly high and they are reducing my Follistim. They just want to make sure that it is not high for the actual retrieval. Hang in there ovaries, do your best and make me proud! I would hate to have anything happen and disappoint the couple. They are counting on this more than I am, I am pretty sure of that. Blah, three appointments this weekend, great. Well, I guess I am just happy that it'll be before my friends get into town. Hopefully, by then, I will be able to wear pants like a normal person, otherwise, I will be going out with the girls in sweatpants. The worst part about retrievals is the swelling from all the IV fluids.

Friday, February 16, 2007

This week is the first week of meds. Lupron is my friend. It's a bit different than the first cycle, they have me on the BCP until this weekend. Either way, doctor's orders so I am just following along. My doctor is actually a very likable and friendly man. He did a very basic exam on me the day we met. It's funny, when I asked him about he ultrasound, he said, "Oh that's right, you got caught up in the whole FSH and follies and all that nonsense last time. Well, anyone who can produce 16 healthy good looking eggs like you did the last time---we won't worry about you too much." He said that he would like to try and repeat the success that I had before and that he would try and keep all my meds and schedules the same. Works for me. Also, it helps to validate that I am a good donor. Sometimes, when all you hear are the negatives, it's hard to focus and see the success that you had.

The shots are the same as before, in the stomach. I am still searching for my "sweet spot" as I like to call it. I found it before and I think I can find it again. It's the place where you stick yourself where you feel no pain, pressure, or anything. And most of all, no resistence and no bleeding. I guess I will have plenty of time to find it. However, everything does seem like it's on overdrive. I am scheduled for a retrieval in mid-March.

The contract review was extremely quick. I loved the lawyers that were assigned to me. Super helpful, friendly, and overall, a joy to work with. I think those that are out on there looking for a reproductive law attonery should really look into the firm that these ladies ran. It's not everyday that I get lawyers that are actually willing to listen to me, give me their professional opinons when asked, and not make me feel stupid because I do not feel something in the contract is something that I want. I think there are some really good reproductive law attornies out there, you just have to look. My last attorney was definitely not up to par compared to these ladies.

I have a really long and hard two weeks ahead of me because of day job. And because of it, I will be traveling with my meds. Which is not the first time but always nerve-wrecking and always a hassle. Nothing like airport security pulling out your medical supplies in a crowded airport. It is also a hamper on the love life since my boyfriend will be joining me midway through this work traveling. But I know it's for a good cause and he is very understanding since he has experienced infertility in his family. But this won't last forever. And it's something that I like to do and feel appreciated for doing. So for now, I will keep doing it. Anyone that wants to be part of my life will have to accept it as is.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Last week, I signed another contract to be an ovum donor. I am a bit nervous....probably because old ghosts came back to light today. Today, I got an email, from the first agency that signed me and matched me. The same one that cut me when my FSH level were a bit elevated and when my ultrasound came back a bit--undesirable. I then went on, signed with the agency that I donated to a few months ago, with what seems to me, a successful donation. My FSH was a bit elevated that time too, but my ultrasound showed lots of follies.

Now, the ghost that I am referring to is the one that comes in the form of an over-judgmental agency. The one that cut me, let's call them Agency X. Agency X contacted me today to make sure that my information was up-to-date because they do have people interested. Somehow or other, they got to talking about the compensation and basically, the gist was that they thought I was too much because my FSH level was a bit elevated and that many doctors will shy away from me. Overall, they made me feel like what I did in the last cycle meant absolutely nothing. That I am not worth as much as I am asking because I have elevated FSH levels. It became a back and forth thing. I don't even know why they were contacting me if they didn't think that I could provide a quality ovum. They also make me feel like it was by pure accident that my undesirable eggs were able to result in a pregnancy. It's incredible how dismissive and rude someone, as reputable as Agency X, can treat it's donors.

I know that FSH levels are indicators of how well one will respond to the drugs. But do doctors totally dismiss proven results (16 ovum, positive pregnancy) because my hormones are raised? Maybe that is just how I am. Maybe it's my body chemistry. I know medicine is all about the numbers, but sometimes, the cold hard facts, physical, tangible facts are right in front of them and to ignore it for just numerical data is unfair to me and to the IPs. I think that when there is proof that someone will respond and respond well, why tell the IPs to shy away, avoid that donor at all costs? I know it comes down to success rates for these doctors, but sometimes, you have to take a risk, even if it really isn't a risk but only on paper, to reap that big reward.

The IPs in this case have not done anything with me yet. This week, I will be tested, poked and prodded. And I am going to bet that my FSH levels are a bit elevated, maybe it's just my M.O. But I hope they really consider the fact that I performed the last time and I performed above all expectations and it resulted in another couple's pregnancy. This donation is a bit different since I am going to meet the IPs at some point. I guess I get to experience it in all forms :). If you can, keep your fingers crossed for me that they don't just look at what a blood test tells them and really consider the fact that I may do as well as they hope I will.

On that note, I would like to say Agency X really made me feel worthless and instilled self-doubt in me. It's amazing that all the reviews that I have read about this agency have been so incredibly positive. That goes to show you, how they treat the IPs is completely different then how they treat their donors.

Friday, January 19, 2007

I found out yesterday that the couple from my donation are now pregnant! I am really happy for them. I hope they have a happy and healthy 7 more months.

It is odd to know that somewhere out there there is someone with my DNA, I wonder if they will look like me a little bit? It's great to know that all that paid off. On to the next cycle!

Friday, January 12, 2007

After my first donation in November, I really wanted to take some time off and not donate and see if I wanted to do it again later. But after much thought, I feel that I am ready to be a second time donor. I have to admit, right now, with my financial situation as is, the extra money would help. I have one agency, not the same one as before, request that I give them one month exclusivity so they can look for IPs for me. I got an email a few days ago that there was some interest. So far, I haven't heard anything yet. I believe they are waiting on my donation records for my first donation. Even though the first one did not go 100% smoothly, I am ready to jump into a second one. Hopefully, I am matched with someone soon. With my new position at work it is harder to get the time off that I would need. Here's hoping for the best! :)