Sunday, November 19, 2006

I've been on the west coast for almost a week now. It's been pretty boring and a bit lonely. My companion wasn't able to get off work until tomorrow, so I haven't really had anyone to keep me company. I've tried exploring the city on my own, but I find that my cramps and soreness have really kept me from wanting to stray too far away from the hotel. I can't wait for her to get here tomorrow so that I have someone to talk to and actually interact with. My friends have been good about emailing and texting but it's still really hard being in a strange city all alone.

I have kept up with the injections and the eggs look good. Unfortunately for me, today I found out that my stay is going to be extended because the follies need to measure at 18 and some are around 13-16. Looks like my retrieval, if I am lucky, will fall on Wed. If not, that means a Thanksgiving retrieval, which may be a good sign for the IPs but not so great for me. I don't want my companion to miss her Thankgiving celebration with her family, so I am asking that they let her go home right after my retrieval on Wed. But if it's a Thursday retrieval, it looks like a sad Turkey day for us.

I feel like the everyone has been very nice to work with but I think that they are all very nonchalant about the fact that I have another life outside of this. When the doctor told me that it looked like the retrieval would be Wed or Thursday, I said something about how that would mean we would miss our own Thankgiving celebrations. He barely made any kind of acknowledgement at that. It was almost like because I am getting compensated, that it didn't matter. That I am trapped. My holiday didn't exist. That really bothered me and still does. I understand that my body will respond the way it does, but some compassion would have been nice.

I am taking this really hard because Thanksgiving is the only real holiday that I enjoy and really celebrate. And this year a bunch of my friends and I were getting together and cooking a meal for everyone. Now I am going to disappoint them. It makes me really sad and resentful to be here. I know that the rewards are going to be greater than the dinner itself, but it still doesn't make being here easier. Also, I don't want my friend to miss her own holiday with her family. It's just not a good situation and I had hoped that it would have been a a week earlier or later. I guess that's life.

To answer Summer's question, no, I won't know if they conceive as a result of my donation. I wish I did just for my own personal reasons. Not because I want to find the child someday but because I would like to know that this as worth it and that they got their happy ending.

Tomorrow, I find out my fate, whether we are doing it Wed or Thursday. I just miss home at this point but most of all, I just want this to be over so that the IPs can move on to the next stage. Keep you posted!

1 comment:

Summer said...

If it makes you feel any better (though I'm sure it won't), I doubt the doctor's nonchalant attitude that you may likely miss your holiday celebrations is only directed at you. In my own dealings with fertility docs, a lot of them seem to have a hard time with a caring bedside manner.

I hope your IPs appreciate all the sacrifices you are making for them--not just the egg donation part. I wish it wasn't such a lonely experience for you. I will be hoping the retrieval goes well for you.