Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The dreaded two week wait...still haven't heard anything from the agency about the couple and if they did get pregnant. I almost feel like I am waiting to find out if I am pregnant... I know it's silly, but in a way, our lives kind of running parallel to each other, at least until the results are announced--then I feel like I can keep on truckin' along to my next cycle.

I was reading Michelle's blog about infertility and egg donors. I am flattered that you think my blog should be a mandatory read for ladies thinking about donating. To be honest, when I first decided to start this journey, I tried to do the research. I scoured the internet. If I was lucky, I would get a few mentions about DEs in IP's blogs. But that was it. I found two blogs from two retired donors that were informative, but I didn't feel like it gave enough information. I really debated on putting my blog out there at first. In the end, I came to the conclusion that there is not nothing here that I will ever be embarrassed about. I have had friends that have let the fact that I am donor slip and each and every time, I have been open and honest about it with friends. I know it's hard to admit to others that you are a donor, it's a controversial subject after all, but I would say that 100% of my friends have been supportive, those that don't know, I choose to believe they would also be supportive. So, I am surprised (but in a good way)that people seem to be reading and suggesting my blogs to others. I hope you can all take away something from this and I know one day, years from now, I will visit this blog again and see the things that I did when I was younger and feel rewarded -- cheesy, right?

As for me being a "serial donor"...well, there is some truth in that, I suppose. I am a multiple time donor. Yes. I do take it seriously, i.e. no caffeine, no alcohol, eating healthy, taking prenatal vitamins/multivitamins. Check. I feel it's only fair to the IPs...they are paying for hope (as clique as that may be) and hope comes with a bit of sacrifice. Am I glad when I get my body back after a cycle? HELL YEAH I am. But realistically, I rather know that the IPs eggs in my basket did not go to waste. Maybe I just am hard on myself because I don't want to hurt them. Though I know nothing about besides their first name...which could be an alias, I feel like they are a part of my matter how small. I would like to believe that I a slight part of theirs. We each travel our own paths until we meet at the fork in the road and for a time, we manage to walk side by side. Idealist? Yes, I am. Perfectionist? Can't you tell by now ;)? Do I get paid well for what I do? Yes. Is being a donor a cake walk? Cake? Where? (Honestly, no. I can live without the pain, the swelling, the brusing, the exhaustion.)

Anyways, as I also wait to find out the good news about Couple C (C as in 3rd donation), I am optimistic about the next one for Couple D. I have not gone on messes with me too much, I am taking vitamins and baby aspirin to get ready for the next one. Someday...after all is said and done, I will be me again. With eggs just for me. No more hormones, no more pills, no shots, no blood draws, no doctors, no bruises or swelling. When that day comes, I know I will miss being able to help, being able to walk beside someone struggling down the road of infertility. But I will be happy to be the only person relying on me. Selfish? Maybe. For the people that have never experienced infertility, or have ever donated, keep an open mind. It isn't easy to give up your life for someone else, even if it's just a few months. It is not easy to shoot yourself up with hormones that you don't know which no one can tell you with certainty if it will effect you later on. It isn't easy to hardly be able to pee because of the retrieval. We, the donors, chose to help beyond the compensation, you have to, because money is just money. The amount of things I have had to endure from the donations is more than money can buy. Would I do this without compensation? Yes, but it would have to be for someone that really needed it.

I could be anyone. I could be your sister. Your mother. Your friend. I am also a Serial Donor, does that sound negative? Well, I guess I will just have to claim that phrase and make it positive. Maybe a "serial donor" can be someone that really believes in what they are doing. Someone that does everything in her power to make sure the IPs have the best chance they can get. Yeah...I am a serial donor :D


Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for creating and keeping up with your blog. It has helped me recently as I struggled with the decision to pursue egg donation (as an IP). I feel so much better with the decision now knowing that you as a donor take it so seriously. I hope we are lucky enough to find a donor someday who does the same.

Summer said...

Your blog is one of the things that helped me become comfortable with the idea of using donor eggs to start a family. There are so many IP voices out in blogland yet so few from donors and I think it's an important voice to hear for all sides.

I hope even after you have decided not to donate anymore, if you have more thoughts about your experience as an egg donor years down the road, you will continue to share it.

I feel like our donor and I will always be connected. We may never know each other and become friends, but she will always be part of one of the most important things that will happen in my life. And I would feel that way even if there was no pregnancy as a result of her donation.

midlife mommy said...

Nothing wrong with being a serial donor, though I've never thought about it that way. My daughter was conceived with a serial donor -- it was her sixth donation. I think she's a wonderful person, even though we will probably never meet.

Robyn said...

Um, my word verification is f-uc-k where the '-' is another random letter. Weird huh? ANYWAY - I just wanted to say hi! I'm a surrogate-to-be waiting for our egg donor to, well, donate. We had a canceled cycle last time because the egg donor decided to not donate in fear of running out of eggs. *eye roll* She clearly wasn't prepped right for what she was signed up for. The next egg donor the IPs picked has donated before so we're hoping she won't go all the way through with the drugs and then decide she isn't going to donate afterall.

I hope you hear good news about your couple c!